New Addiction

Gemma asked about Sudoku last week, when she interrupted me working a puzzle in the bathroom during a quiet moment by myself.  I had purchased a four-pack of Sudoku books at a craft store, and so promised her that I would show her one of the two kids' books sitting unused on my shelf.  Today, Gemma called in that promise and mastered the first level of basic kid Sudoku (four-block squares) with minimal help from me.

Later, Elba found the discarded book on my bed, and struggled to master the puzzle herself.  She needed a bit more hand-holding to finish her puzzle (reversing all her numbers as she went).  While Gemma had to be convinced to stop after three puzzles (because: four-square Sudoku is really boring to supervise, especially when your help isn't needed as much as your cheerleading), Elba was happy to put down the book after one puzzle and read books with me instead.

I often remind myself that easy mastery of a new topic doesn't mean as much as I think  it does.  Especially not before the age of seven or eight, when children's brains are developing at such different paces, and so much potential is still unknown.  But even after the supposed academic shake-down around third grade, I wonder if innate intelligence matters as much as I was brought up to believe it does.  When I look around, I suspect that being able to work through problems and stay on task matter more in the long run.

As an early-mastery person myself, I rather think that those particular two traits -- easy early mastery and later stick-to-it-iveness -- end up opposing each other more often than gets discussed.

I have become a big believer in the idea that children should own their work, and effort, and focus -- not some amorphous quality called being smart.  I stop myself rather often from saying "wow, you're smart" and try to substitute "you figured out that problem; that takes a good eye for detail [or whatever skill was necessary]" or "you're getting smarter all the time" instead.

It's quite an effort for me, I'm afraid, to change that old pattern.  But I'm convinced that children are less likely to feel fraudulent about skill sets they've acquired than about supposed abilities they were born with.

Not that the two are entirely opposed.  Everyone's abilities shape their skill sets.  It's a matter of focus, to some degree.

I rather reached these conclusions before I had children, but the emphasis on skills -- which can be improved upon -- rather than natural abilities -- which are supposed to be genetic, or inborn -- became essential once we had triplets.  After all, all three kids are tackling the same subjects at the same time, and for all that ability Gemma displayed with Sudoku, Elba could out-maneuver her on the playground in ten seconds flat.  (Wilder, meanwhile, will repeat his NICU performance -- where he was the opposite of the wimpy white boy -- and confound all gendered expectations by learning to read first, unless I and the kids' teachers are wildly off the mark.)

If we valued innate ability more than particular skills, we'd be setting ourselves up for serious sibling difficulties, not to mention daily crises in comparative self-esteem.

And yet it's quite easy to be seduced and charmed by a child's precocious new skills.  (Even if Gemma does come late to the kid Sudoku scene.)

Meanwhile, via Bombadee's Garden: another way to waste time on the Internet.

Comments

[Phantom Scribbler]

Saving and printing this one. I think I represent the very example of the potential opposition between early mastery and later stick-to-itiveness. Time to start thinking of ways to encourage my kids' working towards mastery of skills, rather than praising their innate abilities.

[Jennifer]

I am an early mastery person too, praised for being smart in school. My husband is plenty smart but his confidence comes entirely from succeeding at things he considered difficult, or things he knew other people couldn't do well, esp. outdoor things like skiing or mtn biking or climbing mountains. From the moment I met him, I was struck by this unshakable confidence & I think in the last 10 years have gained some of it myself, from being encouraged by him to do difficult outdoor things. (While snowboarding he is like a coach, encouraging but not helping. "You're stronger than the snow!" he says.)

Anyway. I try to pass this on to my kids.

I described it here, a little.

[Maia]

This is such an important point that I'm only beginning to understand in my own life (I'm currently practicing on the cryptic cross-word). In some ways I'm more proud of learning to drive than anything else I've done - because it was hard, but I stuck with it.

Anyway I wrote about this a little bit in my vision of how I'd run primary schools if they put me in charge.

I really wish schools would focus more on valuing doing things kids found hard, than finding things easy.

[Maia]

Sorry I mesed up the html and lost the end of my post.

Anyway, I wrote about this a little bit in my vision of how I'd run primary schools if I got the chance.

I do think schools play a big role in this mindset. It'd make a huge difference if doing things that were hard was valued as much as finding things easy.

[Lisa V]

I think attention plays a huge part in academic success. I can show you kids who test in standardized tests in the the 99th percentile, but are getting D's and F's in the subjects in school. They are brilliant, but lack of attention and distraction make the work seem overwhelming to them- it gets worse as they grow older because they start thinking of themselves as bad students and pretty soon don't even try.

One of my middle children has the highest IQ test in our family, really a smart, clever kid. However her older sister who is pretty much "above average" like the rest of the family gets superior grades and acquires new skills and concepts much more easily. She can pay attention and follow through. A lot of extra effort and monitoring has to be done with her more "intelligent" sibling. However the smart kid has creativity oozing out her ears, she can do art projects of any sort, she is fabulous creative writer and has an ear for music that the other child envies. The problem is that she doesn't take advantage of that ear and practice piano enough. Again the skill set.

Look, long and rambling, but what I am saying is "Jody you are right."

[Madeleine]

I'm working on this one, too. I try to say "You worked hard on that, and look how well you did" instead of just "you are so smart." This morning Snuggly Girl was in tears over the spelling words for today's test. I forgot to have her practice the hard ones yesterday. (She forgot, too, but she's six so I feel like I'm still in charge of monitoring it.)

I tried telling her "It's OK to get one wrong." But she said she really wanted to do her best. And so far, she knows her best is perfect and she isn't ready to let that go. So I ended up making up a song to sing to help her remember. Let's hope it helps. That one word is really frickin' hard.

[Meira Voirdire]

Wait . . . can you link to something that explains the 'supposed academic shakedown' that occurs in 3rd grade? Or give me a term to google?
My son is almost 9 and I am definitely looking for insights! Thanks-

[momzom]

Perhaps it's too alarmist to say "Yes, please try to save your children from early, facile mastery!" but I haven't been able to get this post and my strong feelings about it out of my mind. Early facile mastery got me through high school and most of college, but it made me think that my intelligence or ability was binary: I could or I couldn't do something. If it came easy, I could do it. If it didn't, I couldn't. I was scared of some subjects, and didn't learn how to figure things out or how to learn. A couple of great teachers tried to jolt me, but it was in a subject in which I already had confidence.

I spent my 20s struggling like hell with life after facile mastery. Either everyone I knew could master things at a slightly more sophisticated level, even more quickly or actually knew how to learn stuff deeply. I felt like an idiot and a fake for years.

When I see my son exhibiting some of the same habits (quick mastery, then he loses interest; or no interest in things he can't quickly master), I worry for him. He's not yet 5, so I don't want to try to override his age-appropriate short attention span, but does anyone have recommendations about how to develop focus and attention in a positive way?

[amy]

I'm saving this post, too, Jody. Growing up, I was one of the early-mastery kids, while some of my siblings, who dealt with learning disabilities and issues related to being adopted from other countries as young children (you know, like having to learn English while also adapting to life in a whole new family and country), had some struggles in school.

My role model for my kids is my sister who came from Korea at age 4, was developmentally around 2, and is now a sixth-grade teacher with an M.A. in gender studies/education. She never gives up. Her students are lucky to have a teacher who knows how to fail, pick herself up, and keep on trying. That's something I'm still trying to get better at, and it's definitely something I hope my kids learn from her.

This is why, in part, I started my daughter in kindergarten this year, rather than waiting until next year. She turns 5 next week, so she's the youngest kid in her class, but for us, the choice was to let her go this year and be in the middle of the pack or hold her back and know that she'd be easily mastering everything they learned. So far, she's avoided the perfectionistic tendencies the rest of her family fights and seems to be fine with having to think, guess, and sometimes be wrong.

[Ally]

Well said! I was a bright, high-scorer in school and a natural at the flute in music lesson. Everyone always told me how smart and talented I was. Neither got me anywhere.

We do the same thing with Jamie - we praise him for his accomplishments rather than for generally being "smart." In my family is a child whose mother constantly tells him how smart he is, (and he is, to the point that it is scary) but it manifests itself in not so positive ways, with him using his "smartness" as an excuse for everything from outright bad behavior to deviousness. (Fortunately counteracted in some part by other family members.)

[susozs]

Like everyone else, I agree and appreciated the way you said it.